


Hellhound Strikes!

by Telperien



Series: BatCat Week 2018 [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Catwoman (Comics)
Genre: BatCat Week 2018, F/M, Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 19:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telperien/pseuds/Telperien
Summary: Bruce Wayne has been kidnapped by the dastardly Hellhound as a ploy to draw his fiancee out. Who will come to his rescue?BatCat Week 2018, Day Four:Dude-in-Distress.





	Hellhound Strikes!

Bruce made a show of struggling against his bonds until his captor—Hellhound, a supervillain he’d never encountered before in spite of his long history in Gotham—snapped, “Quiet, you inbred fool!”

Bruce knew of only one marriage between cousins in the last ten generations of his ancestry, but he understood the point. He stilled. Hellhound smirked at his apparent obedience and said, “Such a strange marriage you embark upon, Mr. Wayne. You are as obliging as a woman, and she is as insolent and obstinate as a man… though none would be foolish to treat her as such. That cat made quite the fortune from the _appearance_ of femininity.” His smirk grew. “Or did you not know of your bride’s shameful history?”

This had to do with Selina? He was a little surprised—he had made more than enough enemies on his own—but it wasn’t totally unexpected. “I believe there was an article on the subject in the _Gotham Gazette,_ ” Bruce said. “I put out a press release that they were kind enough to use.”

"Kind" was pushing it. Bruce was just grateful that the article hadn’t been as insulting as it could have been.

The _Gazette_ had a symbiotic relationship with Wayne Enterprises, a frequent exchange of exclusives for good press, and they wouldn’t risk that just to drag Bruce Wayne’s fiancée through the mud. It had been an impeccably well-researched article with sources so heavily scrutinized that even Lois Lane and Clark Kent couldn’t disregard them, and they had allowed Bruce and Selina to have their say via his press release.

That didn’t stop it from hurting them. Bruce had spent years perfecting the image of a well-meaning but thoughtless playboy who was a fool when it came to women and thrills, but it was difficult to enjoy his success when it came hand-and-hand with the realization that people not only believed his act, they _wanted_ to.

Selina had taken it worse and hidden it better. _She_ had spent years perfecting the image of someone who didn’t care about what other people thought about her, but she did. She didn’t like having her past splashed across Gotham’s biggest newspaper anymore than she liked the implication that she was only marrying Bruce for his money or that he was too much of an idiot to see it.

There had been other articles, published in rags whose names were not fit for polite conversation, but the _Gazette_ article was the one that stuck with them.

Hellhound apparently liked it too. “Yes,” he said, still smiling. “I appreciated your statement, Mr. Wayne. _‘I do not see the bearing Ms. Kyle’s past has on our current relationship. She no longer operates as a criminal, and she has made amends to society. The only interest my fiancée’s history has to me is how it serves as proof that the majority of criminal activity is a product of circumstances and that, when freed from those circumstances, the perpetrators can and do function as productive members of society.’_ You have a gift for words.”

Hellhound had a gift for memorization, but he had little ability to think beyond that. Bruce had freed one of his hands, and his captor hadn’t even noticed. “I have a good PR representative,” Bruce said glibly.

“It is a shame the _Gazette_ shied away from publishing harder truths, but they could not wish to hurt your feelings.”

“Harder truths,” Bruce repeated. If Hellhound kept talking, Bruce could use his distraction to free his other hand and maybe his ankles. Then he wouldn’t have to wait for someone else to rescue him, though he would have to find a clever way to defeat Hellhound without revealing his identity.

Hellhound adopted an exaggerated expression of shock. Bruce couldn’t tell whether he was hamming it up or overcompensating for his mask. “Do you not know of your bride’s lover?” he asked with false sympathy.

Bruce mentally cycled through all of Selina’s exes— _Slam Bradley, Eiko Hasigawa, James Stark, Christopher Castillo_ —but he couldn’t figure out which one Hellhound might mean. They were nonentities, in his mind. Stark and Castillo were dead, Hasigawa was in prison, and Bradley was an old fool who had taken advantage of Selina’s moment of weakness and then built that and her mild fondness for him into an outrageous fantasy.

It was possible that Hellhound could mean someone else, but the word “lover” made Bruce think he meant something more serious than the short-term affairs she had when she needed to satisfy an urge or complete a job.

He hated not knowing. “Enlighten me,” he commanded.

Hellhound was impossibly smug. “I am surprised you don’t know,” he said. “I would have thought that one of them would tell you. Yes, it is someone very near to you—and don’t lie to me, Mr. Wayne. I am not a fool. Everyone knows that you are the one who funds the activities of the Batman.”

Bruce contained his burst of laughter as well as he could, but he couldn’t hold it all back. A squeak escaped him.

It was a very unmanly squeak, at least. Hellhound would appreciate that.

“Selina and… Batman,” he said. He shook his head and hoped no amusement showed in his expression, not that he had any faith in Hellhound recognizing it. “I can’t believe this.”

“I believe that it has been an affair of some duration, but that is no excuse for shocking you. This is no way to learn of a woman’s perfidy, and you are not my target, Mr. Wayne. I only meant to set you on your guard before you fall for any more of Selina Kyle’s lies.”

“Selina is your target,” Bruce said to distract Hellhound as his other hand came free.

“Naturally.”

“I am your… bait.”

“She cannot get her filthy hands onto your fortune without you, Mr. Wayne. You need not fear she will disappoint you at this juncture.” Suddenly, Hellhound frowned. “Unless she means to find a man with a fortune equal to yours.”

Bruce doubted Selina could if she wanted to. Wayne Enterprises was one of the largest and most profitable corporations on the planet, and that wasn’t just because Lex Luthor kept getting his assets seized by the government. He could keep Selina in diamonds and gold for a hundred years without blinking an eye. She would be a fool to leave him even if she didn’t love him, and she _did._

“I’m fairly confident Selina will save me,” Bruce said.

His confidence didn’t please his kidnapper. “She will _attempt_ to save you. It is all a ploy to draw her out, and then, when I have her at my mercy, I shall at last complete that sacred task I undertook so many years ago.”

Bruce rocked back to begin working on the binding around his ankles. “And what is that?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Hellhound wasn’t the brightest. That was probably why Bruce had never had to deal with him. That was probably why Selina had never mentioned him once in all these years in spite of his belief that they were archenemies. “What sacred task did you undertake so many years ago?” he asked.

The criminal struck a pose he undoubtedly thought made him look valiant. It didn’t work. “Years ago, before I first donned this costume, I came to conflict with your bride when I went to the Galler Gallery to liberate the Amulet of Inyui and with its power ascend to the sacred realm of Velek. She had beaten me there and defiled the amulet with her female hands, rendering it useless. There is only one way for her to make amends to me for ruining that blessed ceremony. I will kill her, and with her death, I shall break the cycle of cats and dogs. Only with her death can I shed this mortal skin and gain the power of the hound.”

“You’re a thief,” Bruce said flatly. _And an attempted murderer, if Selina is the only person you’ve tried to kill. If you’ve tried more than once and if you’ve ever **succeeded**_ …

Bruce and Selina were going to have to have a talk about reporting supervillains to the proper authorities. This entire situation could have been avoided had Selina simply made an anonymous phone call to the police however many years ago. He did understand her reluctance to work within the system after it failed her so many times, but _really._ This idiot wasn’t worth the inconvenience Bruce was facing right now.

Hellhound slapped Bruce across the face. Bruce amused himself by overreacting to the brief (and minor) flare of pain. Hellhound hit well and fairly hard for a non-meta, but Bruce had once taken a direct hit from Harley Quinn’s mallet. “I am _a god,_ ” he declared as he stood over Bruce. “Or I shall be one, soon enough.”

Bruce had met gods before, and none of them had thought to mention how his fiancée could grant her murderer godhood. He would have expected Scott Free to have said something by now.

Bruce might have made that quip aloud (or a variation of it, at least) had a flash of dark gray not caught his eye as a very womanly figure ran across the warehouse’s upper level. He had to press his lips together to suppress a smile. Hellhound would have thought it was a pained grimace, but he was careful anyway. He didn’t want to risk ruining Selina’s big entrance.

“So, uh,” he said, bringing Hellhound’s attention firmly around to him, “what’s your plan here?”

“I told you my plan,” the supervillain said curtly.

“But, like, what _exactly_ do you have planned _._ Because we’ve booked the venue and the flowers and everything for July fourth—”

“You chose to have your wedding on the Fourth of July? What sort of American…!” Hellhound sighed dramatically. “Your plans must be canceled regardless, Mr. Wayne, because your bride will be dead. Or you might keep your deposits if you can find another woman to take her place at the altar. I care not what you do once the cat is dead.”

“I can’t find a second fiancée on such short notice!”

Hellhound's distraction was Catwoman's cue. Bruce's captor had no time to fire back a retort before Catwoman jumped down from the second floor and knocked him down to the ground, flipping over him gracefully to land safely.

Hellhound was unconscious with one hell of a bump on his head.

“That was…” Bruce searched for the right word. _“Anticlimactic.”_

“There’s never a climax with Hellhound,” Catwoman said breezily.

Bruce had set her up for that, he admitted that, but he refused to satisfy her by responding to her double entendre. “I understand that it is an acquaintance of long standing.”

Catwoman made a face. “Did he monologue?”

Bruce pulled himself to his feet and stretched out his limbs. They could both hear the sirens approaching from a distance. He would have to be Bruce Wayne, the distressed idiot playboy, in a moment, but right now he could spare a few seconds to catch up with his fiancée.

“Hn. He claimed that killing you would allow him to ascend to godhood.”

She rolled her eyes, her body language expressing nothing but exasperation and unconcern. “Ugh, yeah, he’s been going on about that for years. He bothered the Birds of Prey for a while too, but he always comes back to me.”

Bruce thought about reminding Selina about her responsibility to call the police, but he didn’t want to waste this rapidly shrinking moment. Any murders he could connect to the supervillain would have to wait until he got in front of his computer.

They only had a second or two to spare before she had to run. Instead of wasting it with an argument that would go nowhere, he kissed her. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.

“We need to talk about your other man when we get home,” he said.

Selina took a step backwards and blinked. “My other man?” she asked in a low, dangerous voice.

Bruce smirked. “Hellhound was very concerned about your unfaithfulness on the eve of our wedding. He told me that you’ve been stepping out on me with Batman.”

She couldn't fight her own smirk. “Oh, _that_." Her voice was flat as she said, "I'm sorry you had to hear about it like this, but yes. It's true, all of it's true. I’m a wicked, wicked woman.”

“ _Very_ wicked.”

Selina brushed another quick kiss against his lips before she leaped up onto the second floor and ducked out of sight. The doors to the warehouse yanked open, and Detective Bartlett and Detective Del Arrazio led a battalion of uniforms in, guns drawn.

Bruce threw his hands up, but there was no case of mistaken identity this time. “Are you alright, Mr. Wayne?” Bartlett called out.

“I’m perfectly well, thank you, detective. You look very well as well, if you don’t mind my saying so.” He threw in a leer for good effect.

Bartlett scoffed. Her family was well-to-do, and while this was her first professional interaction with Brucie, she knew him socially. Gordon had undoubtedly chosen her (and her partner) for this case because of that. The GCPD had to tread lightly with Bruce after they accused him of murder a few years back. Twice, really, though Madolyn’s true killer had been found much more quickly than Vesper’s.

Del Arrazio nudged the unconscious Hellhound with his toe as he slid his piece back into its holster. “He matches the description,” he muttered. “Is this the man who abducted you, Mr. Wayne?”

“Yes. He identified himself as, uh," Bruce scratched at the back of his head, " _Hellhound_.”

Del Arrazio looked at Bartlett, who shrugged. “We might have a file on him back at headquarters,” she said. “Did he give a motive for your kidnapping, Mr. Wayne?”

There were a lot of ways Bruce could put it, but he settled on, “He objected to my engagement.”

Bartlett scoffed again. “He can join the club.” Bartlett was estranged from her parents, but she had enough high-society friends left to know that they disapproved of Bruce Wayne's engagement to a criminal instead of one of their own. And the police themselves weren’t thrilled to watch an infamous thief marry a man the DA had declared all but untouchable. “Let me guess— _Catwoman_ knocked him out and took off just seconds before we got here, leaving you with your unconscious kidnapper and us with a nightmare case?”

Bruce forced the most amazed expression onto his face. “How did you guess?”

“I’m just lucky like that,” she muttered under her breath.

Del Arrazio shook his head. “Let’s get Hellhound to the station, Joely. We can handle the fallout later. I’m sure Mr. Wayne wants to get back to his kids and his fiancée. She _must_ be _absolutely_ worried _sick_.”

“Undoubtedly,” Bruce agreed, to the detectives’ annoyance and the uniforms’ amusement. “Did you get the chance to speak to my PA? Fiona seemed very distressed when I was, uh, _taken._ ”

He wouldn’t have been taken at all if he hadn’t had to play the bumbling idiot for Fiona’s sake, but that wasn’t her fault. And she had fought like hell in his defense, which was more loyalty than he had expected from her or anyone else in his employ. He owed her a raise and two weeks of stress leave.

Bartlett pushed Bruce out of the warehouse by the shoulder as the uniforms dragged the stirring Hellhound into a police car. “Fiona Rucka is fine, Mr. Wayne, and she’s already given her statement. Come on, the sooner we get _your_ statement, the sooner we can get you back to Wayne Manor.”

“And to Selina,” he said just to push her buttons.

“And to Selina,” she conceded.

Del Arrazio snorted.


End file.
